SAROZ's Blog…
never go away from this…
“A Day Off”
Feb 1st
So you want the day off?
Lets take a look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break that accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work. We are off for 5 holidays per year, so you available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’LL be dammed if you’re going to take that day off !!!
20 golden office rules:
Jan 16th
1. The Boss is always right.
2. If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. stands for “Pull Him Down”. The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.
5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
6. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
7. It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you are going to do.
8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
9. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
11. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
12. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
13. Following the rules will not get the job done.
14. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
15. Everything can be filed under “Miscellaneous”.
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work you are supposed to be doing.
18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.
19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.
20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
Synonyms
Jan 16th
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Doctor & the Old Man
Jan 5th
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup. The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better,” the old man replied. “I’ve got an eighteen-year-old bride who’s pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doctor?” the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then said, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he’s in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, “So he’s walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM !!! The lion drops dead in front of him.”
“That’s impossible!” said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion.”
“Exactly !!!” … Said the Doctor.
Laws
Jan 5th
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!
LAW OF BIO MECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATER RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
The BOSS
Jan 5th
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. “Pfufffff and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.”Pfufffff and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back right now .” Pfuffff … 
‘ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST’
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